Happy Birthday, my dear wife.
Words can never explain how I feel abt you. :)
Thank you for being my wife.

Get Well Soon, Ah pa..

Get Well Soon...
It may not be a bad thing to start forgetting things esp when the most important person in your live had passed away.
But its hard for me to go back to CGH & SACH again after 3 months.. No good memories here..
and if my dad is in his right mind, he would agree too..
So Ah Pa, pls be strong. 

I still think abt mum every night when everyone else is Zzz...

And I think mum's passing have a very big impact on Dad.. Dad was admitted into CGH on Thurs.. Dad appears alrite at 1 moment and he would suddenly wept telling me that he missed mum.. and that mum was very unfortunate to have gotten a deadly illness... Accordingly to my helper, Dad cried almost everyday.... Very concerned that this will fasten his dementia... Trying to find a senior daycare centre where he can make some frds and be engaged in social activities...

I missed you so much...

Every now & then, I think of my mum... and sometimes I ask myself why I'm able to manage my emotions pretty well.. and I think I know why.. For the past years, I've seen my mum gone from a healthy, strong & independent Hakka woman to a frail and weak woman. I've seen her suffer... I'm sure my mum could handle the physical pain... but I think its the mental pain that's hurting my mum real deep. Seeing mum passing away peacefully on the 24th Aug actually makes me feel relieved.. relieved that mum no longer needs to suffer.. Mum doesn't like to be frail and dependent on others.. Mum hates the urine bag, Mum hate it that she can't walk on her own anymore..

Ma, I miss you...
Weekends feel different now... Going back to Pasir Ris feels different now... I miss all the things that you've done for me... all the things you've done for Naomi & Nathaniel... and I wished that I had more time with you before you passed away...

Rest In Peace, Mummy. 24th Aug 2016

Visited mum these 2 days... Bought a variety of sweet food for her, hoping that she could at least eat a bit and boost up her sugar level a little. Managed a small few bites of egg tarts, tapioca cake and Char Siew Bao but well, better than nothing, I guess. According to the doc, Mum's sugar level appears to have some improvement so they will monitor a few more days before deciding whether to remove the drip.. However mum's got some terrible ulcers which I think is making it even more difficult for her to eat/drink anything.

On a sidenote, Naomi attended her classmate, Seo Yoon 5th Birthday party today and had tons of fun. :)

Mum has been transferred to the violet ward in St Andrew Community Hospital 2 days ago. This particular Palliative Care ward is meant for patients with less than 6 months of lifespan. According to the doc, mum's condition doesn't look good as her blood sugar level could go as low as 2 and it doesn't appear that the sugary fluids are helping much. It doesn't help that mum totally had no appetite and could only manage less than a quarter of her meal. Based on what the Doc told me, chances of mum going home is slim and mum's lifespan could be less than a month....

Ops was done on the 3rd Jun.. 30cm of intestine was removed and there isn't a need for a feces bag but to be honest, I dunno whether we should consider the Ops as a success..

Mum was in the high dependency ward for a couple of days, then back to the general ward and now she is back in the high dependency ward again... Doc somehow did a scan on my mum's leg and found a blood clot.. There was concern that it might travel to the lungs and cause breathing issues.. Did further scans and was glad that the clot did not travel to the lungs.. At the same time, Doc spoke to bro & I and wanted us to make a decision whether to use life support tubes for mum in the event that her condition worsen and had difficulty reviving her or to just apply pain killers to relieve her pain but that would mean eventually passing on... It was tough but we choose the latter as that was what Mum wanted too.. We remembered her telling us that at this stage of her live, she doesn't want prolong suffering and that she doesn't want to rely on tubes to breathe.

2 days ago, the doc called me at 6am saying that Mum heatbeat shot up to 200 at 5am and her blood pressure went dangerously low... Fortunately they managed to stabilize her condition. We spoke to the Doc and was told that based on the readings, mum's condition is very bad.. in fact she could pass on anytime... We were shocked.. cos she seems alert and could still speak to us the day before.. and yet now she look so fragile and could barely stay awake to talk.. No choice but to start calling our relatives to update them on how critical mum is... Mum never wanted us to do this as she doesn't like to trouble anybody to visit her... We also told dad abt mum's condition but he insisted that nothing bad will happen.. I hope he is really as calm as he appears to be so. These days when night falls, I am very fearful if my phone were to ring as that would mean bad news.

Today visited mum again and to our surprise, she appears to look much better.. She was much more alert and was able to carry a longer conversation with us.. Readings still isn't good but at least, she doesn't look as frail as yesterday..
I pray and hope that we can see God miracle in healing mum.

Praying for a successful operation

Mum will be undergoing surgery tomorrow to fix her intestine.. She doesn't have much of a choice... To not go thru the Ops would meant frequent visits to the A&E + long stays @ the hospital and permanent intake of fluid as the main source of food only.. 

To go thru the Ops, there's also risks... risks that the intestine might be so damaged that a bag might need to be permanently attached to the body to collect faeces. Praying hard that the operation will be successful and that Mum's condition doesn't warrant the use of the bag.

妈妈，加油。。。

Be strong

Tough times ahead ...
For the past 2 weeks mum have been warded in CGH thrice for her bloated stomach.. And she's currently still in CGH...
Diagnosed as stuck intestine which could be caused by her cancer cells and accordingly to the Doc, the cells are spreading..
Based on what the doc said, there is no remedy to cease the stomach from getting bloated again so even if my mum gets discharged soon, chances are the same issue will occur and she will need to be warded again.
Mum is already scared of going back to CGH... fear of going on drip, fear of waiting for 12 hrs before getting a ward.

Today Mum told me that she feels that she have already had a good life.. being able to see bro & I start our own families and have children of our own.. For now, she says that she doesn't want to be a burden to us and that for the last leg of her life, she doesn't want to suffer till the very end. Heartbroken to hear that...
Gotta alway reassure her that she will never ever be a burden to Bro & me...

I feel that I've let my mum down... I always wanted her to stay with me when I have my own place as i have a very very close relationship with her and yet.. that did not materialize.. No one to blame but to blame situations and ultimately myself cos situation can be resolved and i blame myself for not resolving the situations..

I wish that I can turn back time  but i can't.

With father's day coming soon..

Wifey's grandpa is my role model.. role model of being a father that's well respected even when all the kids are grown up.
I believe things that one naturally do along the way/years contributes to how your kids/grandchild will treat/respond to you.
Happy 80th Birthday, Grandpa. 

Happy mama day!

Happy Mother's Day, Wifey!

Very obvious who naomi loves to take photo with huh...

haha.. well.. on a bright side, I can see the love that naomi is showering didi with. :)

Life is good with these 2 little ones around us.
Time flies. Naomi is turning 5 this Nov. She's still a little bookworm, loves books and loves getting us to read to her on a daily basis.. Hope that her love for books will help her in her Pri Sch journey in abt 1.5 years time. Very proud to say that Naomi have been a pretty good elder sis to Nathaniel and I'm sure that the bond between Naomi and Nathaniel can get even better with time. :)
Nathaniel is turning 1 this July. Motor skills wise, I think Nathaniel is on a higher level compared to Naomi when she was 1. But Nathaniel does not seems to show much interest in books and he is VERY active. I guess that's the main difference between boys & girls.
Loving both my babies.

Rare photo with Dad
As usual, he doesn't look at the Cam. :p

Feb is a month to forget.. with Mum going in to CGH for a long stay and then my entire family down with stomach flu.. Nathaniel being the worst hit.. imagine puking more than 10 times within the night. March onwards, pls be kind to us.

Doesn't feel like CNY

This is the 1st Chinese Lunar Year where mum wasn't able to have reunion dinner with us...

In fact these 2 years have not been kind to my parents.. Mum was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer last Apr... Lost a lot of weight... went thru sessions of chemo and just completed her radio session.. suddenly admitted to CGH 1 week + ago... unstable blood sugar reading, possible damage of kidneys and just had a round of asthma attack.. Things not looking very good.. Praying that miracle can happen and Mum can recover.

Dad was also admitted to CGH last year for quite a long period of time.. Dad shld be on the road to recovery but he still have a couple of eye op to undergo during these few months. Hopefully there will be no complications.

I just hope that the year 2016 will be kind to my family..

These 2 kiddos taking up almost all of my time but I am loving every minute of my time with them!
Used to be able to do my static exercise at night but with Naomi wanting to sleep in my room, the exercise will have to make way cos its just so nice/sweet to have little bonding chit chat with Naomi before she Zzz. :)
Little Nathaniel is starting to crawl. Great to see these little milestones.
Pretty glad that I'm also greatly reducing the use of smartphone when I am accompanying them.

P.S : Blessed that I am still able to catch up with the daily reading of bible. Slow & Steady, I guess.

:)

Naomi was lazing on the sofa waiting to wash up before zzz when she suddenly said this to me "PaPa, I love to spend time with you.". I asked her why and she replied "because can chit chat.".

Making me very emo so i gave her a big hug and said the same thing to her. :)